The Pattern is Not Us
Mornings with Myself // 20:40:2022
This is a practice meant to connect me with my body, with my self. On some level, it's about freedom - it shows me ways I am freer than I have ever been, and ways I am still contained by my own habits and patterned behavior, by this conditioning that lives in my body. I am able to tolerate so much more of myself these days, have so much more respect for my body's YES and NO, so much less judgement or rationalization (I’m doing this because… this is a good idea because… I should...) Some patterns are so deeply embedded by our behavior and by social reinforcement it can be hard to know, when we're in it that it is a pattern, and that pattern is not us, the behavior is not who we are. We have choice - often, and more choices with every social advantage - if we're able to see the pattern in action. I've said no to some things I would never even have imagined I had the option to decline lately. To "mandatory" things. And this is showing up in relatively small low consequence ways, and larger formative ones. Being alone with myself, moving my body, listening for the ways it wants to be, going slowly, pausing to feel, gets me a little freer of all the pulls out there in the world and those in my mind, no expectations to be met - real or perceived or internalized - no need to achieve, perform, confirm or define. Sensation as guide, as teacher. Impulse as wisdom. Curiosity and enjoyment as foundational.